When You Are The Only Listener

Twenty  years ago, when we were moving into a new place,  a young man helped us out.  The son of one of my wife’s friends, he was 14 or 15 years old and just out of a residential drug rehab program.

He and I sat in our rented moving truck driving down the highway, where he told stories of his rehabilitation.  Part of the recovery process is self-awareness and he was willing to share, as had been the custom in his stay.

He told stories of addiction, mistakes, inpatient temptations, and adventures very few of us will ever have, much less in our early teens.  We made an instant connection.  He had more insight than any other young man I’d ever met.  He should.  He paid the price for it!

So I enjoyed listening to his stories a great deal.  Then he stopped talking.  We just had nothing more to say to each other.

A few awkward moments of silence went by.  Then he told me more stories of his rehabilitation with the same enthusiasm.  I listen eagerly, partly to prevent another awkward silence until we left the truck and started moving furniture.

He had a story to tell, but I was the object of his listening.  He could have been talking to anyone – or anything.

Years later I still remember that ride in the truck very clearly.  It affected me.

But truth be told, there was no real interaction between us.  I’m sure he doesn’t remember me.

I don’t blame him for not having developed his listening skills.  After all, he was only a boy, and one who went through a harrowing experience at that.

But TRUE interactions…the kinds that strengthen, nurture, enrich and educate both parties…the kinds where lifelong friendships are made…these come from talking AND listening.

And for those of us who are in the marketing or sales business at any level, or coaching, training, developing leaders, developing income earners, it’s the most valuable and overlooked skill there is.

We forget – the value of listening – how it puts us immediately in a position of strength, control, loving power…

Because it gives people what they crave: a chance to be heard, a chance to matter.

That young man wanted to matter more than anything else in the world. When he didn’t find a way to matter he called out for attention in the most destructive of ways.

And he medicated his pain.

Look at what you’re capable of.  Look at the worlds you can shape, the power you can unleash, the hurt you can heal.

People will flock to you…so long as your listening is genuine.  You automatically distinguish yourself from the others without the patience and  inner strength to give freely of yourself.

Relationships are created. Energy is exchanged.

Tell your story.  That is valuable.

Be open to the stories of others.  That is priceless.

Your Pal,
Larry

November 27, 2010 · Filed Under Uncategorized

Comment 

Inviting Fear Out The Door

If you just say hello to your unacknowledged fear (which masquerades as embracing and accepting mediocrity), bless it for protecting you when it first showed up, then invite it out the door…do you know how much room you’ll create in your life for the good stuff?

- Larry Hochman

This came to me as I was sitting at Panera Bread, hanging out with my two daughters.  I threw it up on my Facebook wall as a current status.

Then I considered where it came from.  It was at the Home and Small Business Network‘s kickoff seminar this past weekend in Connecticut.  I did some training and consulting there.

Yeah, I kinda have a relationship with the chick who put it on. (wink)

It was a lot of fun. Great people from all over the U.S. and Canada few in to get inspired, get informed, get the techniques, mindset and emotional platform to build their dreams. It was truly a privilege to be part of the energy in that room.

As I spoke individually with the folks who participating in my HOW TO JUGGLE Breakout session, I saw a few of them flip back into their fears. The responses they were conditioned to have over time. New experience after new experience. They reached for it, and they fell.  They reached for it, and they fell.

And they kept getting back up.

They were absolutely in the right place to learn how to be “the brand” for whatever they were marketing. Diane did a masterful job giving them everything they need to have it all.

And yet the self-talk…the fear that set up shop in their heads and hearts was still whispering to them.

We spoke about it.

We laughed at it.

We cried with it…a little bit.

We undressed it.

We took away its reason for being there.

Because as I like to say, fear is a guest in your house that has overstayed its welcome.

Once you expose your fear as the residue of past experiences, you take away its power.

And you open up a whole new world…your own personal playground of discovery.

You stop fearing failure, because you know it’s the price you pay for the learning.

You welcome it.

Then you do it better next time – whatever the “it” is.

And in whatever time/space it’s supposed to come in, you’re in a whole new place.

I feel it in my amazing THE END GAME client.

She’s carving out a new space for herself. It’s way cool.

And – some truth – it’s there for you…

If you’re ready to commit your time, your resources, your emotions, your money to a new state.

Yeah, I said money. More truth. It’s what we do here. If you’re not willing to commit your money to your growth, you’re not willing to commit to your growth.  You know it, and so do I.

And so I say one more time…

If you just say hello to your unacknowledged fear (which masquerades as embracing and accepting mediocrity), bless it for protecting you when it first showed up, then invite it out the door…do you know how much room you’ll create in your life for the good stuff?

Go Get “Em, Tiger!

Your Pal,
Larry

The End Game…it’s just the beginning. Jump in…if you dare.



November 23, 2010 · Filed Under Uncategorized

Comment 

Repost: The Hidden Beauty of Black Friday

This was originally written in 2008, two days after Black Friday.  The specials are already coming out, and the greed and fear that goes along with them. Maybe this will help.  By the way, HOW TO JUGGLE (and Change Your Life Forever) makes a great gift for all ages…starting with yourself.

***   ***

I’m writing this on Sunday morning, a couple of days after a few tragic incidents on “Black Friday.”

For those of you not in the United States, this is the day after the American Thanksgiving holiday when many stores offer sales with deeply discounted items.  These sales have become a phenomenon over the past few years, with stores opening at 5:00 am and people lining up the night before to buy a very limited quantity of deeply discounted items.

In New York a Walmart employee was trampled to death by the oncoming crowd as the doors opened.  And in California a customer shot and killed two people in an apparent rage about some item that was in high demand.

Many people are prepared to take these two incidents and use them as a symbol of everything that is going wrong in the world.  I’d like to offer a completely different perspective: I think this is a time to recognize just how essentially right things really are.

***   ***

These are sad events, but not unprecedented.  As I was telling a friend of mine, I can imagine an out of control crowd rushing to get scarce loaves of bread, or medicine, or any number of things that were once considered necessities for survival.

So the fact that the rush was on for electronics or toys, things that are nice but not necessary is a sign of increased prosperity.

Indeed, this was a case of manufactured scarcity. Collectively, we decide to assign importance to certain items that really has nothing to do with our actual survival.  We will continue to breathe in and out whether we have that new computer or not.  Our children will love us whether they get the hot new toy or not.

A deliberate condition of scarcity was engineered and created by the stores themselves, to entice people to come in and act out of fear.  The media bought into it, with stories about the Black Friday sales and people lining up days before.

I remember attending one of these a couple of years ago.  We were at a Best Buy store in Connecticut at 5:00 am, thinking we’d be among the first to be there.  We were greeted by multiple police cars, dogs, television news trucks, and thousands of customers who arrived before we did.

That was the end of our Black Friday shopping excursions.  Never again.

As I said, the reatilers and media co-created the conditions that contributed to these deaths – along with us.  Those who lined up outside the doors participated in the frenzy.  We have choices in how we think, how we act and what we allow into our consciousness.

So with that, let me leave you with a few pieces of good news….

1. I predict a change in the way these sales are administered, and they may even disappear altogether.  The retailers and the media don’t just create public opinion.  They respond to it as well.  Walmart is no doubt reeling from bad publicity surrounding this event.  Black Friday sales are now associated with corporate and consumer greed.  No business wants that connection.

2. For every act of chaos, greed and desperation that occurred on Black Friday, there were hundreds, even thousands of acts of civility, kindness and generosity.  These weren’t reported in the media.

Doors were held open for senior citizens and children.

Children’s eyes lit up when parents bought special presents for them, and parents hearts melted with the reactions of their kids.

Strangers bonded in a shared sense of humor of the absurdity of the circumstances they were in.

Spouses had hot breakfasts waiting for their partners when they returned home.

Some minimum wage retail workers found a sense of dignity and personal empowerment in being assertive towards large groups of people.  Some of these same workers received more money than usual based on the volume of sales they processed.

And some of these workers experienced something unpleasant enough, it inspired them to ask for more out of their lives.  Somewhere on Friday a decision was made by a Walmart or Radio Shack worker to go back to college.

It really is a matter of where you choose to put your focus.  Three lives taken and an attitude of greed.  Or a self-correcting marketplace and many acts of compassion and grace.

I know where I’m choosing to focus!

Your Friend,
Larry

November 15, 2010 · Filed Under Uncategorized

Comment 

Kosher Pickles and Ham Sandwiches

The thought came to me about an hour after a profound conversation with one of my mentors – one of those spontaneous things that just pops up in your consciousness…

It doesn’t matter if the pickle is kosher, if you put it on a ham sandwich.

Actually, thinking about it now it wasn’t all that spontaneous. It came as I was getting my daughter a foot long ham and provolone at Subway…with lettuce and cucumbers.

There’s nothing wrong with ham sandwiches. They’re terrific, especially if you’re on the go, chomping one down between your after school job and jazz band practice – as she was that day.

And kosher pickles…well they’re just magnificent. Especially the garlic dill kind. For some people they’re an obsession.

Live and let live. It’s all good.

It’s when you think somehow that the ham sandwich will take on kosher properties because of the pickle you plopped on top of it. That’s when you’re begging to be disappointed.

Sorry, but there’s just nowhere in the Talmud that says that sandwich is gonna turn kosher. It’s a pork product. The window dressing doesn’t matter.

*** ***

You can put all the bells and whistles you want on your business. You can apply fancy language to your personal development. You can use words like Law of Attraction and Manifest a hundred times a day.

If at your core you still think and feel with scarcity…

If you’re still walking around in

    fear

of what you don’t have, rather than being an open vessel of all the good that’s looking for you…

If you don’t have a profound sense of

    appreciation

for the blessings you’ve been given…

(and on Veterans Day, with 21st century technology and cheap and abundant food, you have plenty of blessings)

If you don’t genuinely see yourself as a dance partner with a loving, giving Universe…

then all the techniques, twists and manipulations you’re playing with are really just putting a kosher pickle on a ham sandwich.

Wanna make a pile of money? Wanna “manifest” the love of your life? Want rock hard abs?

Wanna live with a sense of purpose and excitement? Want people to genuinely look up to you?

Want peace?

Commit to it.

Commit to change at the core. Throw out what you know.

Because you are a child of God. You are magnificent, no matter what your self-talk has allowed your life circumstances to create.

You are a King, or a Queen (to be written in the near future).

You have the right ingredients for the perfect sandwich….for you.

If you’re cool with the ham sandwich, so am I. We all have our roles to play.

If you want something more, re-invent yourself from the inside out. You already have the ingredients to change your sandwich. It’s just a matter of unlocking your own personal refrigerator and creating it.

Your Chef De Cuisine,
Larry

So proud of my new co-creating pal at THE END GAME. She’s making more money, attracting more people and having more fun. It’s all about allowing the genius inside to overwhelm the fear and doubt that’s been around too long. Four more people will play THE END GAME with me.

November 11, 2010 · Filed Under Uncategorized

Comment 

Regression To The Mean (It can be mean)

I was finishing up at the gym this evening, and ran into a guy I see every so often. He was talking about how much he’s looking forward to Election Day coming and going, so he doesn’t have to listen to the political ads anymore.

Normally I just let sleeping dogs lie. But this time I went for it.

“Dude…the easiest way not to listen to the ads is to not watch the TV. I haven’t had cable in the house in more than a year!”

(Yes, I actually called him Dude.)

His answer back was interesting. He told me he had moved into a house without cable, and he just had three channels that didn’t come in well. So he became a big time reader. He was enjoying all the new ideas and knowledge…

Until his friend brought over a cable box, which he installed.

That was the end of his reading career. He went right back to the boob tube, and the dumbing-down that goes with it.

In statistical analysis, it’s called “Regression To The Mean.”

In other words, you can have a big time hot streak. Things go great. If you’re an athlete, you get more hits, make more baskets, etc.

If you’re a salesperson or recruiter, you’re signing up everything that moves. You make more money.

And the BIG one for a lot of people…if you’re losing weight or otherwise improving your health, it’s really common to keep it off for a while, then over time, put it back on.

And eventually, your hot streak ends. You go back to the average of what you’ve always done.

That’s what mean means…average.

Depressing, huh?

Well, it doesn’t have to be.

*** ***

The reason people regress to the mean…the reason they go back to where they’ve hung around most of the time – is that although they’ve made some changes to their behavior, they haven’t made the BIG changes to the way they think and feel.

We see this all the time. I’ve been there myself…more times than I care to admit.

We get hyped up on a new program. Or we see someone strutting around with hundred dollar bills falling out of their pockets, or pants falling off with the weight loss.

We get excited over the marketing of the “next big thing.” We fall for it…every time…

Because it’s easier to believe the answer is “out there” somewhere.

It’s a classic bad news – good news situation.

The answer IS “out there.”

In fact, there are hundreds of answers out there…for whatever the challenge is.

And once you’re in a state of readiness to work it correctly, any number of them can be the right answer.

And something that looked good when you weren’t right, looks silly and stupid when your head and heart are in the right place.

Yup…Regression To The Mean can be mean.

So there’s a simple answer….

Change your “mean.”

Change the world around you by changing yourself, on a deep spiritual, emotional, thought level.

Once you do that, you get big and brave enough to follow through on the “real world” changes that show up.

*** ***

A few quick tips on changing your mean…

1. Cut yourself off from the things and people that anchor you to the parts you want to change. Dump the TV. Dump the newspaper. Dump the social networking sites that don’t challenge you to your highest good, or at least put you in a genuinely good mood. Facebook might be one of them. Cut the cord if you need to!

2. Run with a person or group of people that gives off the kind of energy you want to be around. Do what you gotta do to get close to them. In a lot of cases that may mean you have to learn to…

3. Serve. Create value for others around you. Be a better listener. Be willing to exchange energy (money) for stuff and services that challenge and inspire. Hint: if you’re reading everyone else’s inspirational free stuff and not contributing in some way, you are not fully engaged and will eventually go back to the mean.

There’s more – lots more. But that’s a pretty good start!

Create a new mean for yourself…starting now!

Your Pal,
Larry


Two spots filled. Four more people are gonna throw down with me and have their reality shaked, baked and quaked. Are you next? Use the Contact Form above. Subject line: THE END GAME. Details to follow.

November 2, 2010 · Filed Under Uncategorized

Comment